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Chivalry Should Not Be Dead
By Curtis Bunn
I’m as down with the amazing technology of today as the next person. I have a Blackberry, an Apple desktop, an Apple laptop and a Flip camcorder. I send/receive text messages and I have Skype capabilities. I’m on Facebook, Twitter and I have this full-service website. I shop online for books and even bought a Snuggie off the Internet.
So, while I embrace this ever-advancing wave of technology, I am old school at heart, meaning some elements of the world should not change with the times.
Like chivalry.
Nothing the Silicon Valley nerd/geniuses create should pull a man off the stance of treating women with the utmost respect and courtesy at all times. And yet, what I see too often at restaurants are men playing with their cell phones on one side of the table with the woman on the other side looking totally flabbergasted that he would rather pay attention to his gadget than his date.
Can’t lie; I caught myself responding to an e-mail on my phone, too, while at the dinner table. It did not go over well, and I was cured right then. Not enough people have followed suit, though.
This disregard of manners is in keeping with the constant non-chivalrous acts I see daily (and have nothing to do with technology): men walking out of buildings in front of women; men not opening car doors for the ladies; men walking on the inside down the street; men not helping women out of cars.
Once, when my son was much younger, I watched him leave my mom’s house with a date. He went to his side of the car and opened the door without bothering to let her in first. I was incensed. I called him on his cell phone and reminded him of his duties as a gentleman. He’s as gentlemanly as they come now.
In my upcoming new novel, “A Cold Piece of Work,” Solomon Singletary is a complex man who does not “believe” in a woman’s ability to do right by him. But he remains a gentleman. When he shows his respectful nature to Michele Williams and her cousin, Sonya, Michele says:
“I could’ve sworn chivalry was dead.”
“Burned and buried,” Sonya added.
“Well, I’m resurrecting it,” Solomon said.
Here’s the problem that some men have with showing chivalry (aside from not knowing better): Many times their acts go unappreciated by women. For every door I hold for a woman, at least one in four does not bother to say “thank you.”
Make no mistake: It is not done for the “thank you.” But manners, as I was taught by my mother and father, call for a “thank you” in that situation.
Back to technology’s role in this vast ignoring of old school protocol – how many of you have received a text message to cancel a date or to even break off a relationship? Really? Seriously?
I could go on, but you get the point. So, here’s how we stop this lack of gentlemanly acts. Men, exhibit the kind of behavior you would like someone to show your mom or sister or daughter. Ladies, demand of the men in your life that they open the door for you, that they walk on the outside when taking a stroll, that they let you in the car first, etc. It starts with you because, as we know, people get away with what you let them get away with.
And above all, put away the cell phones at the dinner table.
